History has taught us many things over the years. The horse drawn carriage was lame, and the car much cooler. WWII was worth it, and France hasn’t changed at all. Some things like ovaltine will apparently never go away even though I’ve never heard of one person to ever buy it. Since we have learned so much from our past, I think it’s about time we started learning something from our future.

This column will feature predictions about the near and distant future. I would prefer the distant future, like things that can’t possibly happen until we’re all dead. This way I can never actually be wrong, but potentially right, because potentially right is definitly better than actually wrong. If anything I predict does come true and you make millions of dollars off a new business venture directly related to my ideas, you owe me all the money. This column should not in any way be considered heathenistic, because I will not be consulting any dead souls or entities named the devil. Every idea will come directly out of my brain, so I think God will be cool with it.

The Blarg Predicts