Everyone has a weird secret that they don’t want other people to know about. Maybe they like licking their girlfriend’s toes, or they like cranberry juice. Tonight I discovered my weird thing: I don’t throw away socks. A couple months ago my singular underwear drawer turned into two underwear drawers. Tonight when I realized I would soon need to go to a third underwear drawer I finally drew the line.

As I began cleaning out my drawers it was sick how many pairs of socks I have that I don’t even wear. I estimate I took out a good 25 pairs of socks, and I still have plenty left to wear. So that’s it, you know my dirty little disgusting secret. Consider us closer. Now go drink your cranberry juice, sicko.