I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what a big commitment it is to have a baby. The number one thing that comes to mind is the issue of time.
Having children and getting married are both huge commitments, so I’ll compare the two. Getting married is huge because it’s the end of your independence. You can no longer do whatever the heck you feel like doing, but instead must always consider your spouse in day to day things. In some ways it can actually save you time. While your awesome wife makes you a sandwich (that’s for all the feminists) you can do something else.
But having a kid is quite different. I only know up through age two, but the time it takes just to feed, bathe, dress, punish, clean, chase, drop of at daycare, take on walks, and put to bed is amazing. I think most people only consider their personal maturity, and whether or not they’re ready to shape a young mind. All important things to consider, but for one main reason, I think the time issue might be the most important.
Now let me come back to marriage for a moment. I believe the number one cause of failure in marriages is selfishness. You don’t show your spouse how much you love them by what you buy them or what you say, but by what you do. If you’re selfless, then you do things like take out the trash, get water for your wife, let her pick the show to watch, and in general do things to make her happy (not necessarily yourself). If you’re selfish, you look out for yourself, and sometimes to the detriment of your spouse (and ultimately the marriage).
So back to babies. The time issue is so important, because kids require so much of it! If you are selfish with your time, then you aren’t being the loving parent that you should be, and I can see this being another reason marriages fail. In an instant, the amount of time you have to yourself is slashed, and it ain’t coming back for the foreseeable future. If you’re selfless, you give that time up. If you’re selfish, you leave. When people say they feel suffocated, what they really mean is they’re selfish.
I think society in general romanticizes love SO much, we’re told that our feelings should trump all else. That feeling of being in love is great, but that’s not actually love. Love is doing anything and everything for someone else, and whether you’re doing it for a spouse, child, friend, or family member, it means there will be less time for yourself. That’s something I think all potential spouses and parents should consider.
