Our society revolves around a time = money mindset. In order to be productive we need to effectively manage our time, which in turn leads to success (and possibly money). We spend a lot of resources becoming more effecient, but I see a glaring problem. Why are we wasting so much time sleeping?!
The average person sleeps about 7 hours a night. (Oh look, I just used real data, all the stuff I’m about to make up now has authority!) That’s almost a third of a day! That’s the equivalent of working two days, and then sleeping for a whole day. That’s like lopping 4 months off of the calendar! In my opinion this is a complete waste of time.
The only thing that happens during sleep is your brain makes serotonin and norepinephrine, whatever the heck those are (oh, more data, I almost sound like a scientist). Then there is a bunch of other dumb stuff like REM sleep and dreams, what a joke. I predict that scientists will start producing serotonin and that other junk in pill form. People will be able to take the pills instead of stupid sleeping. And who needs dreams, go watch a movie.
I think this will have a vast impact on our world. Now it won’t be special if a drug store is open 24 hours anymore, because everyone will be awake 24 hours a day. People will get made fun of for falling asleep like "haha, what an idiot, he fell asleep." Since people will be awake longer and use more energy, we will have to introduce a 4th meal to our day. I propose we call that meal "blarg." People will say things like "Timmy, that candy bar is going to ruin your blarg!"
**This is the first post in a recurring series entitled "The Blarg Predicts." You can find more information about this and other columns to the right.